Denial Revisted

Denial is most simply defined as not being truthful with one’s self. As harmful as deceit is, it is at its’ most venomous level of toxicity when it is pointed at ourselves. You cannot begin to be truthful with anyone else when you aren’t honest with yourself. Denial is perhaps the most base and dangerous of the types of self-deceit.

The downward spiral of denial begins with the addict’s best friend and constant companion: justification. We are masters of rationalizing even the unhealthiest behaviors to ourselves. This usually begins with, “Well, I’m nowhere near as bad as that guy. He’s got a problem,” and all-too-often ends with “So what if I’m drinking at 7 in the morning? It levels me out and helps me be more productive. At least it keeps me from killing my boss.” We can and will convince ourselves that any and all of our behaviors are not merely okay but typically good ideas.

Want to act like a degenerate while ducking the guilt associated with it? Rationalize it. Want to miss (or lose the ability to) work, alienate friends and family and destroy your reputation without losing any sleep? Deny within your own mind the severity of your actions and count sheep while your world crumbles around you. Hey, who’s worried about any of that stuff anyway? Nothing a little vodka won’t help you forget for a night.

The shaky part is what happens when you are confronted with the undeniable, inescapable facts and you’ve run out of excuses and exhausted your supply of mistruths. Eventually you just run out of lies and are really only left with the cold truth of your misdeeds. No one could’ve convinced you at any point before that because you were too lost in the throes of the disease.

It is nearly impossible for a “normal” person to understand what that denial is like. They cannot grasp just how wrapped up in it you are and just how much it becomes your reality, no matter how fictional.

Being unwilling to acknowledge a problem won’t ever make the problem go away.  Without fail it continues to intensify the issue across its’ depth, width and breadth until it has enveloped its’ target. The addict is figuratively drowning in a sea of self-deceit and literally drowning in a habit that is killing him or her as it robs them of their ability to really live.

There is no magic formula by which to combat denial. It simply takes the addict having a rock-bottom moment of clarity to be able to see what everyone else in his or her life has known. The question for the addict to answer for him or herself then becomes this: How much are you willing to give up before you refuse to lose anything else? When is enough finally, fatefully enough? Only you can make that decision, and only you can draw that line.