Resentment Prevention

Resentment is the number one offender- that’s what the AA Big Book tells us and as the text that spells out the original formula for the most successful program of recovery, we ought to give what it says some real consideration. Untended resentments are at the root of many, many relapses in the world of addiction and as (mostly) functioning and intelligent adults we ought to have a plan in place to deal with them before they have the chance to deal with us. This would be a proactive, preventative way of handling potential resentments before they have the opportunity to ferment into “the big nasty” itself.

In order to form an effective strategy for preventing resentments before they have the chance to fully form, we have to discover the roots. From what behaviors, events or circumstances do our resentments form? How do we recognize those things in time to act in a way that will keep them from boiling up and over into a full-blown resentment?

We also have to qualify that a bit; we must practice some accountability and acceptance around things in our life first in order to keep events and circumstances in the right perspective. The easiest way to avoid most resentments is to realize that you have to “accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

We must do all we can to not allow something we cannot change to eat away at us; this in some ways is the ol’ “Poor me, poor me, pour me another shot” mentality. If you can’t do anything about it, you kinda have to accept it. You can choose to be mad about it, but that won’t usually do anything positive. If you can do something to affect positive movement on the issue, then stand up and act or forfeit your right to feel the effects.

If something has happened and you feel wronged, (or that a loved one has been wronged) take a moment to consider your (or the loved one’s) role in the situation first. If after an honest evaluation you feel certain that you or your loved one are in the right and you’re in a position to advocate on your own behalf or the behalf of your loved one, you must do so in a calm but resolute way. You really can’t afford to let it fester long enough to become a sore spot, so you must speak up in the right way at the right moment.

If we allow a potential resentment to bubble up until it reaches the point of boiling over, we have done ourselves and our sobriety a great disservice. Our serenity and satisfaction are too valuable to sacrifice by a lack of willingness to speak up. This is often difficult, but when carefully measured and delivered it is powerful. We must guard against resentments with the same vigor with which we would defend our most treasured family or friends, because an unresolved resentment could result in a direct assault on our relationships, our joy and our sobriety.