Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness

All around the rooms of recovery are located signs with sayings that to the uninitiated seem simultaneously simple, kitschy and opaque.

“One Day at a Time”

Twenty-four Hours in a Day”

“Surrender to Win”

“Take it Easy”

“Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness”

While all of these can be universally applicable, I‘d like to focus on that last like sliver of gold. I have found those three words and the concepts they represent to be central to my recovery and to my ability to live this life successfully with serenity.

Honesty: the quality of being honest. How does a person “be honest?” It seems simple enough; tell the truth, without fail or compromise. However, when the time comes to practice this in all our affairs, the vision of what honesty is becomes a bit clouded and half-truths, exaggerations, white lies and all-out fabrications are the norm. Honestly, honesty is the exception to the rule in today’s society. Deceit seems to be a required corporate character trait and “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” is a rule of day-to-day operations.

Rigorous honesty is an across the board application of s virtue all should possess. Being rigorously honest is not the same as practicing brutal honesty, and at times can be more difficult. Those that profess brutal honesty are often doing so as a function of projecting insecurities, while those that practice rigorous honesty are honest, forthright and trustworthy in all their interactions, big or small. At no point does going out of your way to hurt the feelings of another or offend come to be a requirement.

Open-Mindedness: the state of having a mind that is open to all truths and possibilities, no matter how far-fetched or illogical they may seem on the surface. An open mind often requires a closed mouth, at least initially, and that can be a huge stopping point in a person’s growth. Having an open mind asks of you to be more ready to listen than you are to speak, more intent on understanding than being understood. It means being more interested in seeking and finding truth than you are hell-bent on disproving or disparaging possible untruth. It requires a measure of acceptance and the ability to extend faith. You cannot be open-minded only within certain contexts or under the auspices of restriction. You must open the doors of your perception fully and without restraint. You cannot be open-minded about only the things with which you agree; this is in fact closed-mindedness and counter to the ultimate goal of real freedom.

Willingness: the state of being willing. Willing to make changes, to live outside of your normal comfort, to sacrifice and to sometimes struggle, to accept that your way isn’t the best way all in the name of growth. You must become willing to try things you have never given a real shot in the past. You must become willing to accept responsibility for your thoughts, words and actions without reservation or qualification. Most of all, you must be willing to change.

For an addict at rock bottom, the willingness to change may seem like low-hanging fruit. In reality it is often horribly difficult, as you must deprogram years of learned, diseased thinking and behaviors. You must become deconstructed in order to rebuild what life you have left and if you are to ever have any hope of growth. You must be willing to change, sacrifice, or abandon EVERYTHING if it means it will keep you sober. You simply must become willing and have faith in the idea that at some point you will become able with the help of humility and your Higher Power.

These principles have served to help guide my actions, and while I am not always as honest, as open-minded or as willing as I would like to be I am nowhere near as dishonest, closed-minded and unwilling as I used to be. I’m not where I want to be but I am so thankful that I am not where I once was. That my friends is progress, not perfection.