Selfishness and Self-Centeredness WIll (Hopefully) Slip Away

One of the telltale signs of an addict, both active and in recovery is an amazing ability to put him or herself in the center of everything or to drum up controversies that don’t actually exist in reality for the rush of having the attention solely focused on them. This can be done in a variety of ways by the varied cast of characters: the Drama King or Queen trying to generate attention by lamenting their lot in life, the perpetual one-upper, the overeager criticizer, or the melodramatic eternal exaggerator.

An integral part of growing up is accepting responsibility for the things you do or fail to do. For the active addict (or the dry drunk) that concept is often the furthest thing from their minds. As childlike as we are in the midst of our acting out, we cannot possibly see how anything bad that happens in our lives is any fault of our own.  Being held accountable for our mistakes is not only necessary, but also a function of living life on life’s terms. We must seek to be held responsible for the foolish things we do or have done in order to combat the seeds of guilt that could germinate into a full-fledged relapse.

The desire to elevate one’s own reputation or perception within a group by pulling down that of another person is a telltale sign of self-centeredness. We must strive only to produce a positive reputation by our own thoughts, words and actions. This directly opposes the ages-old doctrine of pulling another down to raise ourselves. You have to be too big of a person to belittle someone else for your own gain; gain only by your own merit. If you do the right thing every time you have the chance, your own merit will be enough. What you do always speaks louder than what you say anyway.

The eternal exaggerator is the person more known for their fish tales than their actual positive impact. You can never fully trust this person and you cannot respect anyone based on trumped-up stories of watered down successes.  They feel the need to generate manic energy (both positive and negative) and it is off of this energy that they feed. As long as your attention is on them, no claim is too fantastic or far-fetched. Their reality is their krytponite. We must craft a life for ourselves that is too fantastic to either escape or lie about.

There are proper times and places for being in the spotlight, but it takes the appropriate amount of humility and grace to ensure that the spotlight isn't your constant aim. Work hard at living your life according to your values and beliefs and that will garner you attention enough; additionally, that attention will be the right kind for the right reason. If you have to constantly seek the spotlight you may want to consider what is missing from your life. It has created the void you are trying to fill and you must stop trying to fill it with something so hollow as attention. That’s a round peg that you’re trying to fit into a heart-shaped hole.