Setting Boundaries

We all know the person (or are the person) who can never tell anyone no. This is rooted in the desire to make others happy or to be the one “Go-To Guy” upon whom everyone can count. We all have those friends and they are beloved and appreciated more than we can ever say.

The place where it gets dicey is where other, more important priorities end up having to take a back seat to that “Open 24 Hours a Day” accommodation of everyone else. This is the time that boundaries must be set; it’s also the time that it may be too late to do so. In some cases you just can’t un-spill that milk.

In the case of an addict in recovery, it’s natural for us to feel like we owe the universe some unresolved and eternal debt. No matter how far we have come, we cannot escape the feeling that we have screwed so many things up that we’ll never be able to get the balance back even. We go above and beyond the logical limits of personal accessibility in an effort to be all things to all people and to try to dig ourselves out of this never-ending hole of spiritual debt.

This is almost without fail a horrible disservice to our own needs for self-care and the true working of our respective program of recovery. Our recovery has to become and remain one of the top priorities in our lives bar none, along with growing our spiritual life in whatever way works best for us. Without those things, nothing else matters because nothing else will really work.

It is such a delicate balance, as service is a necessity of recovery. Overdoing it is kinda our M.O., so we have a tendency to neglect the most important things while chasing this ghost of reparation we can never catch. We can never do enough to feel as though we have reconciled fully with our past.

This is yet another instance where our Higher Power can come in and make all the difference. If we can believe in and truly accept forgiveness from our chosen deity, we can forgive ourselves long enough to not subconsciously sabotage our recovery and sanity by stretching our efforts too thin in any direction.

You have to put first things first, and that without a doubt includes your sobriety if you want to keep it intact. You also must remember that you can find value in taking inventory of more than just your deeds; inventory your life to ensure that your priorities remain in their rightful place. You must be willing to toss away the chaff and give the right attention to that which most requires and deserves it.