Check your motives

Sometimes even when doing the right thing we are doing it for the wrong reason. It is important to understand that your motivation is often more important than the action you take. In the case of an addict, constant checking of our motives is a necessity. Per our hardwired instincts, we could potentially take the most benevolent act and turn it into a manipulation for our own sake.

Our motives must remain pure and fully transparent. We have to do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing and nothing more, no matter the result. There must be a detachment from the notion of expecting anything in return outside of the peace of having done the right thing. This can go as far as turning down an available “side benefit” that may be associated with a charitable or kind act. Truthfully, that really comes down to your own conscience in the moment.

For instance, I don’t by any means think that something like claiming a deduction on your taxes for making a donation has to be avoided, but you and only you can judge whether or not you made the donation simply because it was what you felt led to do and not due to the gainful side-effect. If that write-off was the only thing that kept you from throwing it in the trash, you probably need to inventory your heart. If you are an addict, this is not actually just a suggestion. While the result may be preferable regardless of the motive, your conscience is always keeping a tally.

I do my best to make honest recommendations borne out of my personal experience. If you are reading this, you quite possibly believe that I possess some validity and am writing from a place of love and the desire to help other addicts, still-suffering or in recovery. Believe me when I tell you that your mind and heart will carry around the baggage of a seemingly harmless decision long after you have forgotten the act itself. You’ll find yourself cursing, screaming and spitting at the wind without even knowing why you’re so angry and by then it may be too late.

This idea of checking your motives is an area where the concept of personal accountability really shines through. You must hold yourself in check; there is literally no other human who can truly know what is on your mind and fuels your motivation. The first check is on the front end as you decide to do something; this isn’t always doable as at times immediate action is the only choice. In that case, you must defer to the option that is always available.

The second check is reflective: the after action review, as it were. This option is virtually always available and must be undertaken as often as possible when the action is of any consequence. If there is any doubt, you must take the time to deconstruct the act and anything that led to it. You must measure it against a rigorous standard of honesty and only you can evaluate the score.

Don’t cheat yourself and don’t give yourself extra credit or a waiver. Get real, be honest and preserve your serenity. The value of that asset cannot be accurately expressed, so defend it vigorously. There may come a time when it is all you have, and if you are an addict that may be enough to keep you alive.