Who Am I to Judge?

The last person who has any right to judge others for anything is a life-long screw up such as myself, but within certain contexts I’m just as guilty of harsh and unfair judgment as anyone has ever been. I immediately turn mentally into that stock "16-year-old snobby girl" movie character when around certain types of people; I suddenly think I have the right to judge people yet expect them to reserve judgment in my case.

I all-too-often resort to taking the inventory of others. If I am too busy taking your inventory I am not paying enough attention to my own, and as such am neglecting my own sobriety. Let’s go over a few of my typical knee-jerk reactions, shall we? If you are sensitive, you may want to stop reading here. I can evidently be a real turd.

- More than marginally overweight? I probably think you’re lazy and mentally weak.

- Smoker? I’ve most likely thought you must be ridiculously thickheaded and  

   mentally weak.

- Habitual soda drinker? All of the above and predictably I typically find you     

   repulsively mentally weak.

- Compulsive attention-seeker? I’m sure I’ve thought your father didn’t pay you      

   enough attention and you are (you guessed it) mentally weak.

Notice a trend? Good. Now I’ll do you one better:

-               Rich? I’ll bet I’ve thought that you’re a pretentious softie who hasn’t gone through any struggle  
                   and just a grown-up version of a spoiled brat.

You see while racism has never been an issue with me, classism has but in reverse of what you would normally expect. Also, in a curious twist I am much quicker to be gracious and understanding of an addict than I am a normal person. Now, that has certain limits: if you are an admitted addict who is half-heartedly going about your recovery I have absolutely no time or patience for you. In that sense I am most definitely NOT mature in my recovery.

There are a few patterns and one big, inescapable overarching concept: I have less than zero right to judge anyone based on anything under the sun, yet I struggle with an addiction to judgment in spite of that realization. That is essentially what it boils down to being: I am compelled by some unseen force to judge others even though I know it to be completely wrong and morally reprehensible. I am in no position to judge any person and neither is anyone else.

I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict who is one sip of whiskey away from turning back into a man who I’ve sworn to never become again. I’ve done many things that would repulse respectable members of society. The act of judgment is one that repulses me, yet I am guilty of it more often than I care to admit.  

Ever heard about what you shouldn’t do if you live in a glass house? I’m working on putting down those stones, one day and one person at a time.