You ARE worth it.

Self-esteem is unfortunately one of the first things usually and mistakenly sacrificed by an addict who has made up his or her mind to get sober. You see, humility and low self-esteem are NOT the same thing by any stretch of the imagination. You don’t have to be humiliated to become humble, although that is often what it takes. A once-proud addict must humble him- or herself enough to be teachable because the process of recovery is one that involves lifelong learning and constant humble reflection and self-evaluation.

Addicts spend so much of their time beating themselves over the head about past or current wrongdoings that their self-worth is typically not where it needs to be in order to be mentally healthy. This causes us to allow ourselves to be treated poorly because we don’t feel like we deserve anything better, or that it is the penance we must pay for those years of mistreating others.

Often we have such a poor work record that we take and keep jobs that are very detrimental to our mental and spiritual well-being. The same thing goes for romantic relationships.  We unintentionally seek out these Jerry Springer scenarios because we don’t think we deserve better. We often stay in mentally or emotionally unhealthy situations while we mistakenly think we can fix them although we cannot even fix ourselves.

They are both situations where we allow all the bad for the occasional glimpses of the good, of the acceptance we so desperately crave and rarely find because we look in all the wrong places. This is a symptom left over from our active addiction; we subject ourselves to such unhealthy work and interpersonal relationships because we simply don’t know how to find the healthy ones without some help. We've never done it before, and if we somehow have we quickly found a way to screw it up. We are grasping for any shred of a glimmer of a sliver of positive feedback, so we settle for much less than what is acceptable because we think that it is the best we can do.

You must understand that in spite of your past transgressions, you don’t deserve to be treated poorly in your personal or professional life. Never accept less than being treated with the loyalty, love and respect you had better be giving to others. Do the next right thing every time you have the chance, but do not allow yourself to be taken advantage of. You are worth it, and you always have been. It is not just “okay” to be happy. That is simply how it is supposed to be.