The number one offender

Resentments

Everyone has people, places or events towards which they harbor resentment, even if they don’t choose to see it.  For a “regular” (read: non-addicted) person, these are very unhealthy and can cause stress, strife and discontent. For an addict, resentments often mean living the life of a “dry drunk,” or in some instances relapse, which can eventually lead to an untimely death directly preceded by a horribly miserable existence. 

Resentments are “the number one offender” for addicts, and truth be told for people in general. Often people are harboring resentment unbeknownst to them. How many people have you “forgiven” only to have a few cross words cause all the negative thoughts, feelings and emotions to boil over once more? Some hurts wound more deeply than others and are harder to let heal.  These resentments are the baggage filled with cinderblocks that hold you back whenever you would rather be moving forward. For addicts, they are a cancer that eats away at our spirit until we are consumed by our anger and hatred. Remember, no half-measures with this bunch. Life can become a rather love-hate existence without any gray “dislike” in the middle.

Some resentments are right in your face every single day. It is a burden that becomes too much at times, and defines the whole “Living life on life’s terms” ideology. When we were in our active addiction, it was exactly the kind of thing that landed us on the barstool every night, and eventually led us to the morning drink. In my case it also lead me to stashing bottles in my car at work, but that’s a whole different post for another time.

For me, the resentment was primarily of myself. I’d cheated myself out of the kind of future I thought I deserved because I decided it was okay to be a constant underachiever in school. I resented the car wreck I’d gotten in, my dad for passing away, and my successful friends. There was honestly a little bit of resentment for everything and everyone in my life. It was a stockpile of resentment that I cashed in every day and replenished every night. Nothing ever got better because I refused to see things for what they were and refused to stop feeling sorry for myself. That is a pretty common story among addicts. The perpetual victim who always blames everyone else for the things he has done to himself.

Are you harboring resentments, jealousies or grudges? Try and write them down, each and every one. Figure out your role in the situation and take responsibility for the wrong you have done and take a moment to forgive someone (there’s probably a bunch of forgiveness that needs to occur for almost everyone in your life). Want to be free? This is certainly one key to that lock. If you truly forgive someone, you are setting both that person and yourself free to fly.