Dealing with life on life’s terms

One of the first, best indicators of a possible problem with any potentially addictive behavior is its’ use as a coping mechanism. The after work beer to mellow out after a tough day that turns into ten and a few shots before you know it, or the occasional weekend toke that creeps into your week as a requisite daily “wake and bake” or any other potentially harmful behavior upon which you feel a growing reliance as a method for dealing with life.

Normal people deal with life as it comes at them. Addicts are too busy running for shelter every time the breeze blows, and one of the more difficult parts of sobriety is learning how to deal with life’s difficulties as a capable, clear-headed adult. You see, no one makes a recovering addict the mistaken promise that things will suddenly get easier; in fact, they are often more difficult since we have abandoned our emotional crutch for a more honest way of living.

It isn’t as though our Higher Power sends everyone in our lives a memo that they are to take it easy on us or give us a break, although we inevitably feel cheated that this hasn’t somehow happened. No one should have to cut us much slack, because we have done nothing but give ourselves “a break” throughout the entirety of our active addiction. We cope with our shortcomings and wrongdoings by bellying up to the bar or partaking in any number of other harmful behaviors rather than facing them, owning them and setting them right.

We spend years refusing to accept responsibility for our mistakes outwardly, even as we inwardly rip ourselves to shreds with guilt, shame and remorse. You’ll never meet a person more capable of self-loathing than an addict, either active or recovering. In fact, the larger-than-life persona most of us project when we have the chance is simply a way to “throw you off the trail” of our shattered sense of self-worth. We have a harder than average time forgiving others because we struggle mightily to forgive ourselves. We are case studies in psychosis and neuroses.

All we can ask is a bit of kindness patience and understanding. You see, we are learning the life skills that you picked up years ago. No one said it was easy, although that would be exactly the thing to make an addict take up this way of life. We are drawn towards the “easier, softer way.” It may not be easy, but living a genuine, real and honest life is worth the struggle. It is worth feeling all the pain and anguish and confusion to simply be able to feel something again. In life, most often you simply have to take the good with the bad and know that it is all exactly as it should be. It is all working together for the good, one day at a time.