Well well, friends...

Blog 1 

After much internal debate, advice seeking and procrastination, I have decided to author a recovery blog. I have haggled with myself over whether or not this may serve any real and useful purpose. I believe it will. Offering “normal people” some insight into the insanity that is the mind of an addict and alcoholic (both active and in recovery) may just help someone, somewhere.

An introduction is in order. If you are reading this, the odds are strongly in favor of you already knowing my story, but it is important to be sure that I tell it as often as I can. It serves as a reminder to me of where I have been, where I am now and where I hope to be going.

I wasted little time in seeking out the very thing that would one day help push me beyond the borders of sanity. I took my first drink sometime in elementary or middle school at a friend’s house. I tasted my first beer on a trip with my father at the end of my sixth grade year. Within a few years I had also experienced my first drunk. While I honestly didn’t drink often throughout high school, it was mainly due to the lack of access. I partook basically every time I had the opportunity. I never really had any opportunity to use drugs, but followed the same pattern of immersion once the chance to smoke a bit of the fabled “weed” presented itself during my senior year of high school. Within weeks I was getting high on an almost-daily basis. Thanks to my use of marijuana I spent the summer after my senior year and my entire first year of college on criminal probation, stemming from a run–in with the law in May of 1999.

I began my post-secondary education at Austin Peay in the fall of 1999 and was initiated into my fraternity on December 4^th. As an undergraduate in my fraternity chapter I served as Vice President, pledge trainer, (2x) Recruitment Chairman, (2x) and held several other positions. In college I also served in Student Government, the Interfraternity Council and the Student Organization Council. I was also a functioning alcoholic of the most severe sort, and that later morphed into some pretty severe drug abuse and addiction as well. I reignited my love affair with Mary Jane, and I was especially fond of cocaine, although I’d certainly never turn down ecstasy, acid, ‘shrooms or any pills. I managed to finally catch a DUI charge just out of college and spend a few days in the county jail. This only temporarily inconvenienced my drinking and using.

The cycle of active addiction followed me out of college and into the professional world, culminating in the loss of a position as the Director of Financial Services for a local technical school after fellow staff members smelled alcohol on my breath at 9 in the morning. I had been drinking since about 7:30 am that day, although I blamed it on a hard previous night to the faculty and staff assembled to confront me that morning. After a few difficult and dark days I decided that I needed to do something to change the road I was taking; it was leading to certain early death and was wrought with absolute misery and self-loathing. I checked myself into an inpatient rehabilitation center called Buffalo Valley in Hohenwald, TN in Mid-December of 2009. God willing, I will be 3 years clean and sober this November 4th.

I have had many reservations about writing a blog. It seems to me that many bloggers out there are just a bit too stuck up their own hind parts to see the light of day and I don’t wish to become this sort of self-righteous panderer. This whole thing is fairly self-serving, as carrying the message of my suffering and day-to-day struggles will be as therapeutic for me as it may be insightful to you. At any rate, this is me putting myself out there for the world to see, critique, relate and bear witness to. I hope something I say someday impacts a life in a positive way. Thank you for accompanying me on my journey.