Dropping a lil' knowledge bomb

One of my main goals for this whole exercise is to help educate “normal” people on the insanity and struggle inherent in the day-to-day life of the addict, both active and in recovery. You have to understand that it isn’t as simple as not drinking, not using, not looking at porn or not overeating. All of the behaviors that you actually see or hear about are simply the real problem manifesting itself outwardly. 

This business of addiction is a mental and spiritual sickness; a compulsion from which the human mind cannot escape by itself. An addict finds him- or herself often acting out of the addiction when there isn’t even a desire to get high. It becomes simply a means to maintain the status quo. Feeling normal and cognizant and sane and just plain okay all become byproducts of our use and abuse.

The underlying sickness is something that never completely goes away, even long after the last bottle gets smashed or the last “gagger” line of coke is choked back. Selfishness and self-centeredness of a much greater-than-average level is present in the addicted mind, as are guilt, shame, embarrassment and remorse over the past.

You see, an addict feels and experiences things in a perpetually over-the-top extreme. That’s why most of us got started. We felt we had to escape this hyper-emotional state. We were afraid to feel things in their entirety because the feelings consumed us. That is one of the most difficult things to sort through once we put down the bottle or the eightball or the gallon of ice cream or we unsubscribe from the websites. Our minds and hearts are raw and we are kids again, learning how to deal with emotions good or bad without the escape that is our addiction. We have lost our crutch and are learning how to walk again.

This question of how to deal with the amplified feelings and emotions, urges and compulsions is one that is virtually without answer in worldly terms. Thus the centerpiece of the Twelve Step program: the belief in a higher power that can help rid us of our afflictions. We have proven time and time again that we are totally incapable of handling it ourselves. Without the hope that comes from the faith in some power greater than ourselves that can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves, utter despair exists. Ultimately this can lead to relapse and, with respect to the progressive nature of this disease, an untimely and tragic death.

Discontinuing the using behavior is an absolute necessity. It is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg, however. Putting down the whiskey bottle somehow proves to be the easy part. Trying to live without driving yourself and everyone around you utterly insane proves to be the real task.