Pocket Translation Guide: What Do I Really Mean?

In this day and age the idea of expressing yourself authentically is a fairly common and adopted modus operandi. For the addict, we’ve made our method of communicating be what it must in order to get what we want, authenticity being a secondary priority (if it is one at all).  You morph into whatever form will best appeal to your audience and away you go.

In order that you may better understand my meaning, I want to offer up for you a sort of translation guide to Addict Speak. Bear in mind that the addicted mind works in the same fashion no matter the manifestation of the actual addiction (alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, food addict, etc). In that spirit, understand that some of the verbiage may need to be slightly adjusted to fit a different set of circumstances but the spirit will remain universally applicable.

-       “Thank you so much for this compliment/award/gift/ pat on the back!”

Translation: ”Awesome. Something else I don’t think I deserve that I can’t really afford to accept or acknowledge, lest I get lazy and start sucking at life again. How fast can I make you forget about this?”

-       “Things are good for/with me. Thanks for asking.”

Translation: “I’m not drunk/stoned/laid up with a hooker, right? Stuff is going well enough I’d say.”

-       “ _______________ (Insert witty or philosophical Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn  

quote/quip)”

Translation: “This is exactly what is on my mind that I am struggling with this very moment. It doesn’t actually matter if it applies to you, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME YOU LIKE IT/LOVE IT/WANT SOME MORE OF IT!!! I’m saying it both to get attention and to validate my thought process by testing it in front of a jury of my virtual peers. PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!”

-       “I’m just taking things one day at a time.”

Translation: “I really think my life sucks right now. I’m stuck inside my own head and wallowing in the aforementioned suckiness. Don’t give me advice; just tell me you love me and that you’re proud of me even when you aren’t. If you really want to know how things are, take a seat and get ready to stay a while.”

-       “Sorry about that. I’ll do better next time, man.’

Translation: “Look jerk, get off my back. I know I messed up and I’m already totally shredding myself over it on the inside. Go back to whatever you were doing and leave me to my own torment. I feel bad enough anyway.”

-       “Nah man, I’m not nervous.”

Translation: “Of course I’m anxious, but I always am. I constantly second-guess and doubt myself, and this is no different than that. Unlike a normal human, I live in mental discomfort. This is no big deal. Now leave me alone.”

This is a raw, mostly unedited (read: minus all the cussing) glimpse into the mind of an addict. There’s no better therapy for me than to be transparent with you and to make myself vulnerable and less shiny. Like any other addict I am relieved to finally be “real” with people. If it makes me feel bad or guilty, even better; those are the mindsets to which I am the most accustomed.

We all just want to be a bit more understood, right? This is another opportunity to process some of the addict's insanity.