Control

One simple word sums up the amount of control any human has over those things that abide outside of their own thoughts, words and actions: none. To sum up the amount of control most of us perceive ourselves to have is far less simple. To most of us, the attempt to control people, events and outcomes is a tragically flawed waltz we dance daily with our surroundings.  We struggle hopelessly to exert control over things that hold influence in our lives and become distraught when it doesn’t work out.

Addicts, codependents and those riddled with any of a myriad of compulsive behaviors are masters of playing this game, We are not very good losers (anywhere except in the big-picture sense in our active addiction, at least) and our favorite game is one we can never win. Our penchant for self-defeating behaviors is never more evident than during our attempts at controlling everyone around us. It’s about as effective as grabbing a handful of water to carry in your bare fist. Life spills out everywhere and we’re left cleaning up a mess that we created and for which we refuse to be responsible.

There is a common saying in the rooms of recovery that “Our very best thinking got us here.” The fact is that no addict, active or in recovery should relish the idea of controlling anything when he or she can simply step back and play the footage over once more in their mind of the utter insanity and misery that their attempts at control birthed. If you are being honest with yourself, you realize that the struggle to maintain control over your own thoughts, words and actions is time consuming enough to keep you occupied and preclude any attempts at controlling anyone or anything else.

Surrendering your illusion of control is a truly monumental undertaking (and an equally valuable step forward).  The counterintuitive mantra “Surrender to win” finds meaning in this context. You must surrender your notion of control for your own sanity’s sake; it’s simply letting go of a thought but not nearly as easy as that statement suggests.

Surrendering control does not mean giving up on making the effort to be the best version of you that is possible. It simply means having the courage to relinquish something that the loss of which is at first a very scary proposition. After you let go, you realize the truth: control is something you never actually had. You’ll win the battle every day if you can simply and successfully control yourself, and that is all you can ever really do anyway. Controlling everyone and everything else? That's too much for any person.

Let it go.