The Aftermath

The time comes after a major event in your life when everyone else has gone back to life as usual and you are left alone still trying to put yourself back together. People mean well and they typically truly want the best for you and your life, but they also have their own lives to live. You are then left with a singular burden and it is often too much to bear on your own.

Putting the pieces back together after a major change in the “status quo” of your life is perhaps the most difficult element of the whole struggle of life. Normalcy is never the same as it once was although life must inevitably go on. The world doesn’t stop turning for anything or anyone. Coping with a difficult loss after everyone else has stopped falling all over himself or herself to check up on you is a tough row to hoe.

When the inevitable temptation to pick up a drink, a gram bag, a joint or some pills arises, pick up the phone instead. Go for a jog.  Write down what you are feeling in a journal. Read some literature you find helpful, or go be with sober friends. Do anything healthy and constructive to get outside of yourself without leaning on something that will only make things worse.

It is important primarily to let yourself actually feel your feelings. You cannot work through something by ignoring it or pushing it aside. It must be met head-on and processed through with great care and rigorous honesty. Masking your feelings or emotions only leads to more damage and a longer timeline for processing.

One especially difficult element in the process is resisting the urge to deify a person after they are no longer physically with us. Not one human among us right now is perfect, and while it is easier to remember them through rose-colored glasses you may be doing your emotional recovery a grave disservice by so doing.

It is perfectly acceptable to feel angry, hurt or betrayed, let down or incomplete. What is not acceptable is leaning on an artificial coping mechanism to deal with those feelings. A drink or drug does nothing to help you truly feel better. Anything that offers only a temporary solution will never be able to help you handle a permanent issue. 

When you are feeling weak, remember that there is strength around you if you will only ask.  Often times what you need is only a short chat with your Higher Power away, or even the distance between you and a telephone. Those who love you would never begrudge you a meaningful conversation.

I hope a bit of this helps someone, somewhere as much as it has helped me to compose it. Thank you for letting me share. Peace, love, serenity and joy to you on this Christmas Day, friends.