Be prepared for at least 101 different answers if you ever ask 100 different addicts the question "What's the most difficult part of staying clean and sober?"
Frankly, if you asked me 100 different times, you may get that many different answers from me as well. Prior to sitting down to think through this, I'd have had a different response based on what I had going on that week. Things shift and change and our thinking, acting and reacting often have to shift to accommodate the changing need. There are some themes to sobriety, though, so if we look at those and map them backwards we can get to a passable answer.
Once an addict commits to recovery, honesty with ourselves must follow. Once this happens, we can start to admit and understand that we ourselves are at the root of our issue. The "problem" isn't the problem, because the problem is us. We then go to work on ourselves, and after some progress we move forward in a flawed, broken-but-healing state. We learn and practice honesty with ourselves and others, but we also learn how to deliver honesty with compassion, grace and love. We learn that we must have a buffer or filter between the thoughts in our minds and the words and actions that bring them into everyone else's reality. How do we do this, or at least make an honest effort?
Self- management.
Everything begins and ends with our thinking. Managing and being responsible for what we think and how we use those thoughts is our toil, trouble and triumph. I don't have to speak or act on every thought that crosses my mind, and I really shouldn't anyway if I want to continue as a respectable member of society. For more than a decade, I didn't choose to cultivate the ability to manage my words and actions - I acted out of my impulse almost exclusively. To borrow a phrase from a friend, I continuously sacrificed the permanent on the alter of the immediate.
All of life comes from the way we navigate how our minds work - the good and the not-so-good. Our thoughts lead us to what we do and say, and as addicts the way we think is influenced by our hardwired addictive traits. Obsession, compulsion, selfishness and self-centeredness, impulsivity, self-destructive tendencies and thrill seeking, plus a handful of other mental defects packaged neatly together like the explosives in a landmine and just as intent on rendering our destruction. These personality defects are part of the mental illness of addiction and they don't just leak out of our ears because we stop drinking/picking up/acting out; it takes a great deal of time and energy to deal with these factors in a healthy way so we can be mentally, spiritually and emotionally suitable for public consumption.
We are at our best when we can manage this insanity without self-medicating, but personally it's impossible to do without the aid of my ever-present Higher Power. I can't do it alone, and I fail miserably every time I make the attempt. That may or may not be the case for others, but truthfully it isn't my business or my place to take stock of how anyone else lives out their recovery from addiction (unless of course I'm sponsoring or mentoring them, but that's another story for another day). With care, practice and intentionality I can be in a place of living out of the finer elements of my character, but lots of things have to line up for that to be the case.
When I'm taking the time to expand my spiritual life, and I'm being intentional about cultivating meaningful relationships with others (addicts or normies) that include healthy boundaries, all while being mindful of my physical health, life can really SING. The melody and the harmony of it all just buzzes together in vibrant resonance.
This requires time, effort, practice and lots of patience. Self-management is the key, although I can't do it alone (there's a riddle for you).
Thank goodness I don't have to handle me all by myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment