I Can't Get No Satisfaction

The obsessive nature of the addict long outlives the active compulsion to indulge. This lives on in a few ways, particularly the manic drive towards some nebulous “thing” out in the great beyond. This “thing” is different for each of us, but we often become obsessed about striving for something more or greater in whatever ensnares us. While this type of drive can be productive to the point of being admirable, it often can be a case of burning to white-hot heat so fast that it consumes us and leaves our original intentions far behind.  

I've written before of the obsessive drive to make up for lost time or to prove something (anything) to someone (anyone). This post is more focused on a cautionary yet developmental dialogue on behaviors that can narrow this mentality from a broad and dangerous obsessive lifestyle to a laser-like instrument of self-improvement. After all, sobriety to me seems to be made up of a series of intentional attempts at turning negative experiences into positive behaviors.

To be driven towards achieving something without willingness to ever become satisfied seems at a glance to be insanity. After all, who in their right mind would drive towards a goal they never intend to allow themselves to reach? It’s self-defeating by the most conservative evaluation and self-destructive at its most extreme. However, it is feasible to rein in the obsession in a way that makes it extremely productive. This is a prime example of making our addictive nature work for us.

First you must turn the focus of your obsession to self-improvement. A recovery program, expanding your spiritual life and regaining physical well-being are examples of healthy self-improvement. You must begin in earnest and take great care to not be consumed completely by your pursuits. Collective pursuit may be a way of finding a healthy balance, but finding balance is a challenge for any person whether addict or “normie.” Imbalance is an addicts' calling card, so finding the ability to pay attention to multiple things with each in moderation is like balancing a sledgehammer on your index finger.

Being patient with and kind towards yourself while making these sweeping changes is a vital challenge. There’s a way to be content in the fact that you are progressing without settling but it is a tricky tightrope act. Having measurable and attainable goals will help and it is key to have a mentor/sponsor-type figure to help give you an outside perspective that you respect in order to hold you in check.

Even in my years of active addiction, I could recognize and leverage my obsessive addictive tendencies into successful efforts within certain areas of my life. You have to accept, understand and appreciate that this is a part of who you are and that it can be used for good if you respect it and treat it much the same as you would a highly-combustible substance. Use care when handling and don’t “get any on you.”