The
obsessive nature of the addict long outlives the active compulsion to indulge. This
lives on in a few ways, particularly the manic drive towards some nebulous
“thing” out in the great beyond. This “thing” is different for each of us, but
we often become obsessed about striving for something more or greater in whatever
ensnares us. While this type of drive can be productive to the point of being
admirable, it often can be a case of burning to white-hot heat so fast that it
consumes us and leaves our original intentions far behind.
I've written
before of the obsessive drive to make up for lost time or to prove something
(anything) to someone (anyone). This post is more focused on a cautionary yet developmental
dialogue on behaviors that can narrow this mentality from a broad and dangerous
obsessive lifestyle to a laser-like instrument of self-improvement. After all,
sobriety to me seems to be made up of a series of intentional attempts at
turning negative experiences into positive behaviors.
To be driven
towards achieving something without willingness to ever become satisfied seems
at a glance to be insanity. After all, who in their right mind would drive
towards a goal they never intend to allow themselves to reach? It’s
self-defeating by the most conservative evaluation and self-destructive at its
most extreme. However, it is feasible to rein in the obsession in a way that
makes it extremely productive. This is a prime example of making our addictive
nature work for us.
First you
must turn the focus of your obsession to self-improvement. A recovery program,
expanding your spiritual life and regaining physical well-being are examples of
healthy self-improvement. You must begin in earnest and take great care to not
be consumed completely by your pursuits. Collective pursuit may be a way of
finding a healthy balance, but finding balance is a challenge for any person whether
addict or “normie.” Imbalance is an addicts' calling card, so finding the ability to
pay attention to multiple things with each in moderation is like balancing a
sledgehammer on your index finger.
Being
patient with and kind towards yourself while making these sweeping changes is a
vital challenge. There’s a way to be content in the fact that you are
progressing without settling but it is a tricky tightrope act. Having
measurable and attainable goals will help and it is key to have a
mentor/sponsor-type figure to help give you an outside perspective that you
respect in order to hold you in check.
Even in my
years of active addiction, I could recognize and leverage my obsessive
addictive tendencies into successful efforts within certain areas of my life.
You have to accept, understand and appreciate that this is a part of who you
are and that it can be used for good if you respect it and treat it much the
same as you would a highly-combustible substance. Use care when handling and
don’t “get any on you.”
