All around the rooms of recovery are located signs with
sayings that to the uninitiated seem simultaneously simple, kitschy and opaque.
“One Day at a Time”
Twenty-four Hours in a Day”
“Surrender to Win”
“Take it Easy”
“Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness”
While all of these can be universally applicable, I‘d like
to focus on that last like sliver of gold. I have found those three words and
the concepts they represent to be central to my recovery and to my ability to
live this life successfully with serenity.
Honesty: the
quality of being honest. How does a person “be honest?” It seems simple enough;
tell the truth, without fail or compromise. However, when the time comes to
practice this in all our affairs, the vision of what honesty is becomes a bit
clouded and half-truths, exaggerations, white lies and all-out fabrications are
the norm. Honestly, honesty is the exception to the rule in today’s society.
Deceit seems to be a required corporate character trait and “what they don’t
know won’t hurt them” is a rule of day-to-day operations.
Rigorous honesty is an across the board application of s
virtue all should possess. Being rigorously honest is not the same as
practicing brutal honesty, and at times can be more difficult. Those that
profess brutal honesty are often doing so as a function of projecting
insecurities, while those that practice rigorous honesty are honest, forthright
and trustworthy in all their interactions, big or small. At no point does going
out of your way to hurt the feelings of another or offend come to be a
requirement.
Open-Mindedness: the
state of having a mind that is open to all truths and possibilities, no matter
how far-fetched or illogical they may seem on the surface. An open mind often
requires a closed mouth, at least initially, and that can be a huge stopping point
in a person’s growth. Having an open mind asks of you to be more ready to
listen than you are to speak, more intent on understanding than being
understood. It means being more interested in seeking and finding truth than
you are hell-bent on disproving or disparaging possible untruth. It requires a
measure of acceptance and the ability to extend faith. You cannot be
open-minded only within certain contexts or under the auspices of restriction.
You must open the doors of your perception fully and without restraint. You
cannot be open-minded about only the things with which you agree; this is in
fact closed-mindedness and counter to the ultimate goal of real freedom.
Willingness: the
state of being willing. Willing to make changes, to live outside of your normal
comfort, to sacrifice and to sometimes struggle, to accept that your way isn’t
the best way all in the name of growth. You must become willing to try things
you have never given a real shot in the past. You must become willing to accept
responsibility for your thoughts, words and actions without reservation or
qualification. Most of all, you must be willing to change.
For an addict at rock bottom, the willingness to change may
seem like low-hanging fruit. In reality it is often horribly difficult, as you
must deprogram years of learned, diseased thinking and behaviors. You must
become deconstructed in order to rebuild what life you have left and if you are
to ever have any hope of growth. You must be willing to change, sacrifice, or
abandon EVERYTHING if it means it will keep you sober. You simply must become
willing and have faith in the idea that at some point you will become able with
the help of humility and your Higher Power.
These principles have served to help guide my actions, and
while I am not always as honest, as open-minded or as willing as I would like
to be I am nowhere near as dishonest, closed-minded and unwilling as I used to
be. I’m not where I want to be but I am so thankful that I am not where I once
was. That my friends is progress, not perfection.
