Most (if not all) of the people
who will read this post have an understanding of the addict’s rock bottom: the
set of circumstances which signal the lowest a person is willing to go before
they acknowledge that their life has to take a drastic turn. Most addicts have
at least a vague awareness of the concept and may or may not have considered
where it may be found in their own lives. For many it is lower than they or their loved
ones can fathom and that fact will cost them dearly.
For some it is homelessness, while
for others it is the utter alienation of friends and family. Poverty, disease
and significant legal trouble could all fall into the category as well. As
often as any of those individual circumstances may represent rock bottom, a
combination of some or all of the above is often what it takes. Multiple trips
to institutions (jail or rehab) may be what it takes or perhaps the loss of one
too many jobs or family members to the disease.
I believe that in many ways our
bottom is a choice much the same as picking up, drinking or acting out. We
often feel as though we have no choice, that our addiction has forced us into a
corner and we are at the mercy of its whimsy. I believe that often we as addicts
conveniently scapegoat our disease and at times give it far too much power in
our lives once we have identified and are addressing it. If we are honest, how
many of us in recovery now were totally blindsided by the fact that we had a
real problem when we hit our bottom? I’d venture a solid guess that none of us
were truly surprised by our addiction although we may have been surprised that
it caught up with us the way it did.
The fact is that our bottom boils
down to a simple line we've drawn that marks the point where life is too
painful to remain the way it is. We draw that line and we can raise it. You
have the power to raise your rock bottom by simply wanting more for yourself and
more from this life. You have to become willing to admit that enough is enough
before it becomes far too much. It shouldn't take multiple attempts although
for nearly all of us that is part of our story. I myself made two half-hearted
(at best) attempts to stop or "manage" my drinking and drugging with no sustained
success.
In all honesty my rock-bottom was
almost fortuitously high; I hadn't managed to destroy a marriage or family and
I hadn't been to prison or killed anyone. I’d never been homeless and truly
never went without for long at all. My mind was made up about the severity of
my problem a few years before I decided to do something about it. I was willing
to accept a sub-par existence because I never realized I was meant for more. I
refused to love or value myself enough to raise my rock bottom.
If you find yourself wondering if
you have a drinking, drugging, eating or behavioral problem the chances are solid
that you do. ”Normal” people don’t sit around wondering if they are an addict
and normal people don’t have others in their life that ask them the same
question. Has your behavior caused you to lose more than it has ever benefited
you? Do you have fun but rarely find yourself happy? Is escapism more your everyday
M.O. than your vacation philosophy? In your own mind, is your life really worth living the way that it is?
Think about it and know for
yourself with certainty on which side of the line you stand. Act accordingly. Value
yourself enough to want more than existence - allow yourself to have a life.
