It’s fairly
common knowledge that a person must hit his or her own ‘rock bottom’ before
they can truly begin to take steps toward a life free from the obsession of
addiction. What isn't so common is a real understanding of what it means to
begin building a life again from the ground floor up. There are lots of repairs
to be made before we can really start to make forward strides. A construction
metaphor is almost too obvious here, but the parallels cannot be denied.
Foundation
is key and that’s where we start. Twelve step programs begin with acceptance of
the problem and acknowledging that there is some higher power to whom the
problem must be turned over, as we have proven that we cannot handle it
ourselves. Then the addict is caused to undertake a spiritual house cleaning
and move forward with making amends to those harmed, which often requires a
great deal of time and emotional energy (and probably money). All of these
thoughts and actions can be likened to pouring or reinforcing the foundation of
a house; this gets the accounts back out of the red, reconciles the past and
enables us to look to the future.
Once we have
squared all accounts, we must focus on growth and moving forward. This life is a wonderful, breathing, moving thing
but some constants must remain steady and we as addicts must remain anchored to
them for our own sake. We must always seek to expand or deepen our spirituality
in whatever form resonates with the individual. Spirituality and religion are
not actually the same and cannot be universally lumped together though they may
be the same for some individuals. We must not pick up or act out. We must not be dishonest or keep secrets. We must not give reason for any guilt, shame or remorse to creep into our lives. We must not harbor resentments, no matter how much the world tells us we are justified. We must always do the next right thing every chance we get. We must remain grateful.
We must
remain patient in our recovery, both early on and as we begin to have “a few
twenty-four hours” under our belts. We didn't descend into the madness
immediately upon the first drink, drug or “incident” and we cannot expect that
the rest of the world will be immediately placed at our feet once we get truly
clean and sober. It takes time and effort to rebuild a life that was once in a
state of complete and total ruin. We have destroyed so much through our active
addictions and we must humbly seek to rebuild our lives in due time, rather
than our time and we must accept that fact and be at peace with it.
The practice
of a regular and rigorous evaluation of our thoughts, words and actions is
absolutely necessary; the more often, the better. This keeps the house clean.
We must recognize our wrongdoings and quickly move towards apology
and rectifying the situation. Once we have committed to the path of right
living we cannot think that we will be successful if we go on autopilot.
Our lives
will begin to be restored physically, spiritually, financially and
relationally. Some things will happen quickly and others come more slowly. All
will come to us in due course if we honestly and earnestly work for them.
We must also
realize that some things may never again be restored- these can be
relationships, wealth or status. We have to accept that. Those things are then
just folded into the pages of our story as new chapters become written in the
here and now. This is our new normal; our new life requires that we not dwell
on what has been lost, but rather focus on all we have gained. It’s not easy,
but it is always worth it.
